she's lying there asleep. i drop my clothes to the floor and slide into bed along side of her, the way i have a hundred times before and nestle in with her. she moans sighs softly still asleep as our bodies contact touching skin with skin and i lay a hand on her shoulder tracing a line around to the front of her body and down between her breasts, taking time to brush my hand gently across her nipple before travelling down her stomach. her body shifts, tightens a bit, but she's still not awake. not as far as i can tell. and she is still again, my hand resting on her, fingers slowly pulsing back and forth, nails digging ever so slightly into softness.

i can feel my heart beating faster, faster now even than hers as she remains in sleep. why am i so nervous. so many times before i've come in so many times before i've slipped into bed before slowly her waking her eyes fluttering open, a moment of confusion before recognition, before a smile a smirk oh hello, it's you what are you doing home so late i missed you.

i missed you too.

i missed you so much when i went out today i missed you so much when i couldn't see you for hours i missed you so much when i saw you with another when i saw you with someone else when i saw you without me when i saw you smile when i saw you and you were happy and you weren't with me. why can't i make you happy what more can i do to make you give you everything and you still want more from me, more than i can give you.

so you have to go to another.

go to another when i am away and here you are waiting lying there, clothes beside the bed knowing i'm coming knowing i'll be slipping in behind you knowing i will touch you and be with you knowing i have been waiting all day to lie with you to feel you breathing against my breathing to feel your skin beneath my hand to feel me inside of you and you knowing and you going away from me and expecting me to come back.

i miss you.

i miss you already, knowing that you don't know knowing that soon i won't be missing you any more as i go through the day knowing that you won't be feeling the happiness without me. i always made you happy, you told me that and now

my hand resting on her stomach slowly tracing down, she shifts and sighs again a hand tracing down between her legs and waiting holding drawing back and forth pressing and warm and wet in and out and legs twitch and a sharp intake of breath and i have her still in her sleep and i have her and i stop moving and feel her heart and feel her breath and

you don't like this thing that i do you don't like being here any more and you won't tell me why won't you say what i know you feel what i saw today when i saw you happy with that other. why do you have to feel this way and what can i do what i do what other choice do i have can i just let you keep going like this keep feeling like this feeling this way when you aren't with me. how am i supposed to feel when

and lying there feeling her breathing feeling her heart hearing her sigh her body sinking back into mine mind clearing drifting off two bodies together words still in the back of my head my thoughts muddied by her touch words cutting through as i drift off coming from her happiness in words drift through the air